You jump start my heart
Lost in moments and hope nobody catches me smiling to myself when you’re on my mind.
I’d deny it, but not to offend you.
Rather to protect you.
Maybe to protect me.
Keeping it a secret, and holding it down till we’re underground
Or out of town
Or maybe just out of sight
Won’t you stay with me, just for tonight

There’s a million stars in the sky
Can we claim some of them as ours?
They burnt out light years ago, but for what it’s worth, they’re still around, just like I’ll always be.

Everything you do in life is insignificant, but it’s really important that you do it.

So hold your breath, and jump feet first into that dark, unfamiliar water
And make wishes on those stars that the bottom isn’t as close as it always seems to be.

I make better sense in my head.
you’d look better in my bed.

so here i was thinking that having 90% of my friends be boys would be drama free, and make my life so much easier.

now i want most of them, more then friends.

i’ll break the rules with him.
and him.
but i don’t want to hurt him, because he believes in the rules i’m so willing to break for him.

i don’t even know who i am right now.

can you just kiss me already?
shit.

“You lose it if you talk about it.”

- Hemingway

I’m glad I only exist to you when you’ve been drinking and you know I’ll put out.
I’m also glad you seem to have got the picture when I pushed you out of my car.
Here I was thinking you were different, thanks for proving you’re just like the rest of them.

No really, I appreciate it.
Saved me a lot of time.

And under another dark cloud, it’s nice to know that so called friends feel the need to throw a guilt trip your way for carrying on your life without them.

when will everyone realise that people are not objects to be owned, or used?

I never had choices, now I’m overwhelmed with them.
But not to let myself fall into a factor I’ve always looked down on (or been secretly envious of) the pros and cons should sort out any confusion I have, but how do I break the news?

1. So we had fun, that one night.
you called me, called me darling, said goodnight.
- you admit you’re terrible at writing back to messages
- you only seem interested in me when you’ve been drinking
you asked me to the movies
- you never followed through
you do this thing where you act like you’re going to kiss me, but you just hold the moment
- when I’m sober, and you’re drunk, and I’ve asked you repeatedly that I need to go home, you keep doing it, and it’s really annoying.
- you kiss better when I’m intoxicated

2. you’re really sweet to me
- you’re more interested in your opinion
- you hate all the music I listen to
- I’m not attracted to you, what so ever

3. we have more in common than anyone I’ve ever met
- you’re a year younger than me
- you have some crazy dreams
but you’re passionate, and I love that
you call me baby
you have the bluest eyes
you’re amazing to kiss
- you’re about a ft too tall, I have to stand on my toes
- you’re so skinny you make me feel like a whale (that’s more of a con for me, not for you)
I adore you
- we’re seperated by state lines

4. you’re easy to talk to
I feel sane when you’re around
you’re really sweet to me
- well, you used to be
- you “don’t have time” anymore
- even though all I ever wanted was your friendship
- you have a girlfriend, and aparently that means we can’t be friends
you’re an incredible writer

5. meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me
everything about us feels right
we have so much in common
- your friends refuse to let us even be friends
- you don’t have balls to stand up for how you feel
you still make my heart skip a beat when I’m around you
- you still feel the same way about me, as I do you
- you broke my heart

6. you make me laugh
you make me smile
it’s so easy to be myself around you
I think you’re super interesting
you’re always up to hang out
- I think you’re shorter than me, regardless of what you say
you’re so much fun
- you’re my “friends” ex boyfriend
- I think we’re just friends, but the more I’m around you, the more I feel more.
we both have “special diets” haha
you’re sarcastic, but serious when you need to be

7.
you’re one of my best friends
- you have a girlfriend
you’ll always call me by my real name
- if anything ever happened, it would ruin our friendship
I just miss you
you are, and always will be one of my best friends.

In a world, where the only way to get by, is to pretend you don’t care as much as you do. (with conviction)

In a world, where the people you love, never love you. (so change their numbers in your phone, because they don’t want to hear from you)

In a world, where the moment you feel like you’ve found ground, or a nostalgic sense of comfort, it just walks away.
(rejection shouldn’t taste so familiar at such a young age)

In a world, where some days you realise that nothing you do, truly matters. You’re going to lose the fight, either way.
(yet you continue to fight)

In a world, where words can be your best kept secret, or a loaded gun, pointed straight at your chest.
(or the barrel between your teeth, whichever you prefer)

In a world, where you convince yourself that separation will sever any unwelcome ties, that distance will deter the unfamiliar.
(if forgetting was as easy as being forgotten, I’d write the book)

How do you win in a battle you were destined to lose?

When by saying the odds are against you, it makes it seem like you have an advantage.
When it sounds like fighting will not result in failure? (when that’s all it ever was)

Why do I constantly pick the one’s I’m not good enough for.

In a world, where nothing is as good as it seems.
I tell myself, this time, it’ll be different. They’re different, I can tell. You won’t break this time, heart. I promise.

In a world, where there’s no white flag, and there is no mercy.

It’s world war me.

“Everyone is their own worst critic, but i think your incredible in so many ways. Physically your stunning. Mentally your hell smart! Morally your compassionate. Pretty much perfect in my eyes.”

i have to see him tonight, i absolutely have to.
i have to know how i feel is real.
even though i know it is.
it’s been a week, and my breathing isn’t right anymore.
i need him around.

it shouldn’t hurt like this.
he’s allowed to move on.

I feel worlds away from where I want to be right now.
I don’t want my words to be mistaken, I’ve never been happier.
But there hasn’t been a moment, since that first flight out where I haven’t wanted to say “I miss”

You sit on your car, I’ll lean on mine.
We’ll forget the time and just talk about anything, we could never run out of conversation.

When it comes to goodbyes, I suck.
To be completely honest.
My mind says “alright, see you around”
My heart says “just 5 more minutes, please.”

“Why do you do it that way?”
“What way?”
“You make an X, I don’t like that, do this.”
It’s my arms around your neck, and yours around my waist. Whispering in my ear “I like it better this way.”

I will say I’m out of line, I know I am, saying this, but you’re right, I liked it better too. Too much for “just friends, just hanging out”

I miss the comfort of our hearts in the same city.
There, I said it.

I wish you felt the same.